5 Secrets to Stop Negative Thinking

Below post, 5 Secrets to Stop Negative Thinking, is by  Lara Heacock – Coach, Creative and proud cat lady!  She is a certified Life Coach and owner of KindOverMatter.com.  She works with people who are ready to live a life that feels good on the inside, not just one that looks good on the outside. Check her website out, you wont be disappointed!

[dropcap]N[/dropcap]o matter what I accomplish, I still hear a little voice in the back of my head that says “you can’t” or “you’re not good enough” or “why even bother”.

I spent years trying to fight that voice, ignoring it and even tried to convince myself that it’s a liar. None of that worked, and it actually made that voice louder. Not only was I being critical of myself, I was judging myself for being critical.

After years of that constant negative internal dialog, I tried something radical. I tried being kinder to myself. I listened to that voice, had a dialogue with it and (here’s the most important part) made a conscious choice to speak more kindly to myself.

When I really listened to that voice, I realized it was trying to protect me, and the only way it knows how to do that is by holding me back. If I don’t ever try, I can’t get hurt, right? Wrong. I felt plenty of hurt. The hurt that came from staying small and the hurt of talking to myself so unkindly.

When I started being genuinely kind to myself (no platitudes or fake mantras, thank you!), everything opened up. I found myself loving my body more, loving myself more and being a much less judgmental human. Everything changed.

A few years ago, this sounded like an impossible task, but here are some very simple ways that I was able to start speaking to myself with kindness.

1) Gratitude to YOU!

You’ve heard about gratitude lists and journals, and these are very powerful tools, but I’m talking gratitude to yourself. Come up with 1 thing that you’re proud of, or grateful  for doing and make a Grateful to Me list! Maybe you love that you donate to your local animal shelter. Maybe you saved some recyclables from the landfill.  Nothing is too small. Try expressing daily gratitude to YOU.

2) Self-care.

Put yourself to bed half an hour earlier so it’s easier to get up in the morning. Take 5 minutes in the morning to yourself before the day gets too hectic. Take a walk. Take 3 deep, belly breaths with your eyes closed. Simple, small, repeatable acts of self-care has a powerful impact.

3) Slow down.

Is overwhelm making that mean voice scream? Try to reexamine your to do list with a feeling-based approach. What on this list makes you feel good and what makes you feel badly? Look for ways to remove some ‘feel badly’ items and focus on the ‘feel good’ ones. Not only will you get some time back, you’ll be able to fill it with things that feel good.

4) Pause.

Never commit in the moment. Overwhelm is a big cause of that mean voice, and the easiest way to prevent it is by pausing. Asked to volunteer for another work or social commitment? Don’t answer. Simply tell the person you’ll get back to them. This buys you some time to determine if this request makes you feel good or feel badly. Only say yes to the ones that feel good.

5) Create a reminder.

Using one of the things on your Grateful to Me list, post a sticky note somewhere you’ll see it every day (hint: mine is inside my medicine cabinet!). This daily reminder will make you smile when you see it, and on the days when it’s most difficult to be kind to yourself, you’ll have an authentic reminder of your own awesomeness.

Practicing self-kindness builds a strong foundation and takes the power away from that mean voice. Start being kinder to yourself today, and see what opens up tomorrow!

With Love,

Lara